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Albany Student Satire (ASS): How to Survive On Microwavable Meals: A Gourmet Cooking Guide 

By Valerie Regice | September 23, 2024


Photo Credit: Pixabay 


Face it: the “broke college student” stereotype is true. Even though many students choose the “unlimited” swipes in the dining halls, the food can get tiring, and ordering out can get pricey. The dining halls close at 11 p.m. which may seem late, but you know you’ve stayed up until 3 AM writing that English paper you forgot about. Being hungry in your dorm late at night is one of the worst feelings, and “eating sleep for dinner” isn't healthy, but you know what is healthy? Frozen meals! 


You can get a taste of authentic worldwide cuisines for around one to five dollars just from the Walmart freezer aisle! Nothing says delicious like a bag of frozen shrimp fried rice that tastes like rubber or a cardboard box of Salisbury steak paired with watery mac and “cheese” on the side. 


Not only are these meals tasty, but they are nutritious too– like those freezer-burnt Mexican burritos you bought months ago that have twelve grams of “protein.” Even though protein may really mean red-40 and xanthan gum, it's okay because they'll keep you full and satisfied– for about 30 minutes. 


The real catch about these frozen meals is the vast array of cultural cuisines. Being away at college makes many people homesick and causes them to miss hometown delicacies. Being from Queens, NYC, I personally miss the dozens of ethnic restaurants you can come across just walking down the block.


Thankfully, I can eat something that tastes just like it, with the ease of putting a plastic tray in the microwave for three minutes. Pulling back the plastic film and letting the smell of chemicals fill my tiny dorm room brings back that nostalgia, and suddenly, I'm right back in the city! The smell, however, could be nostalgic because it's more resemblant to the subways, but who cares? They are easy and delicious.


Another great thing about frozen meals is their convenience. They are just so easy to fit in your extra mini micro-freezer that you have to share with your roommate! You also don’t have to have any cooking skills; no need to flambé or saute anything when you can just pop something in the microwave and hear those three assuring beeps. 


In conclusion, frozen meals in college are a rite of passage. They will always be there for you (probably because their expiration date is forty years from now), and they make you full by providing fast and easy stomach discomfort, making you lose your appetite. After all, if you can survive four years of college cuisine, you can survive anything.

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