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Albany Student Satire (ASS): Hudson Avenue Wins Contest for Best Halloween Decor

By Henry Fisher | October 31, 2022

An Albany local enjoys the sites of Hudson Avenue, sure to keep multiple sets of eye protection close by.

Photo Credit: Danielle Modica (ASP)

This article is meant to be read as satire and should not be taken seriously. The names and quotes in this article are not factual.

With Halloween must also come Halloween decorations – as sure as your mother putting Christmas lights up the day after Thanksgiving. As such, it has long been a tradition in Albany to have many contests for the best decorations around. Pine Hills, effectively a city-state within Albany, has decided that Hudson Avenue, a modest road of no note, has won its “Scariest Spot” award.

“I didn’t think that a street could even qualify, but here we are,” said the sponsor of the award, Sernie Banders, CEO of Mazonaay Industries.

The judges of the contest have noted several things that really put it above all others.

Galahad Very Glad, one of the judges, said, “I really loved the lighting that they used in the space. I mean, floodlights are unconventional, but it really gives the street a special feel. Who says that a spot needs to be dark to be spooky?”

Another judge, A Dog with Three Left Feet, added to Very Glad’s comments, saying, “I mean, the cracks in the street? The general worn-down industrial aesthetic? Such a vibe. I can’t believe this place got away from us these past couple years. A real shame.”

The final judge, Guy Balding, said, “Personally, I enjoyed the dull thump of the ground as you walked by, the music beneath your feet causing the very earth to shake. Makes you feel like you're walking among giants. The random litter on the sides of the street that only God knows the contents of? Definitely the cherry on top.”

Students from a local college, the University at Albany, agreed with the sentiments of the judges.

“I am a big fan of the feeling of sunshine you get walking down Hudson. You get to see every little detail, which just adds so much to the experience. Plus, those floodlights increase the standing air temperature by at least a couple Kelvin, making it perfect for trick-or-treating,” said Jack Inbox, a UAlbany senior, though he insisted to be referred to as a UAlbany senior squared.

Another student, who preferred to remain anonymous, said, “What? Who the hell are you? What are you talking about?”

Residents of Hudson Avenue were at first delighted that the $10,000 reward would be split among them – a nice little Halloween bonus. However, after arguments within Mazonaay, the reward was limited to $10.

An official statement from Mazonaay board officials stated that Hudson was an “investment sinkhole,” insisting that it “would be a waste of company funds.”

Hudson residents can expect a penny sitting in their mailboxes later this week.

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