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Albany Student Satire (ASS): 10 Pick-Up Lines You Should Definitely Use This Valentine’s Day

By Shaylee Staves | February 14, 2024

This article is meant to be read as satire and should not be taken seriously. The names and quotes in this article are not factual.

Everyone knows that the best way into someone’s heart is a pick-up line. This has (obviously) never backfired for anyone, so try it out! Here are some pick-up Lines that are guaranteed to land you a sweet date this Valentine’s Day. If it doesn’t work the first time, keep trying! Your persistence is sure to be appreciated (Please use it responsibly).

  1. “911? I need to report a robbery. My breath just got taken away!”

  2. “Are you religious? ‘Cause I think you’re the answer to my prayers!”

  3. “Do you believe in love at first sight, or do I need to walk by you again?”

  4. “Are you a fart? ‘Cause you just blew me away!”

  5. “I lost my number, can you give me yours?”

  6. “What do you think of my outfit? It’s genuine boyfriend/girlfriend material!”

Want something more personal? Here are some hand-picked ones, UAlbany-Style:

  1. “Are you Student Health Services? I think I need some Vitamin U.”

  2. “Someone call Five Quad! ‘Cause I can’t live without you!”

  3. “Are you stairs at UAlbany? ‘Cause I’m falling for you all the time!”

  4. “Call me the tower fire alarms, ‘cause I think you’re too hot to handle!”

Now that you’ve got the words, on to the execution. 

You should definitely drop these lines to that special person in a public place. Preferably a crowded public space. What’s more sincere than pouring your heart out for the entire university to hear?

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