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Albany Student Satire (ASS): Your Guide to Valentine’s at the CC

By Henry Fisher | February 14, 2024

The perfect time to stop by your favorite Asian fusion restaurant.

Photo Credit: Henry Fisher / The ASP

This article is meant to be read as satire and should not be taken seriously. The names and quotes in this article are not factual.

Nothing says true love quite like sharing your Discount Dollars with that special someone. Except, perhaps, inviting that special someone to a truly unforgettable night at the University at Albany’s very own Campus Center. The contemporary scholar would suggest only one local, but true Great Danes know curating a full menu is the best way to go about it. 

With that out of the way, let’s get started on our highway of dreams. 

Stop 1 - Umai Sushi

Forget to brush your teeth? No problem. Umai Sushi allows for a quick cleanse, one that will mask the smell of your rotting teeth with something far more fragrant. Make sure to get the cream cheese roll for some extra whitening – your special someone won’t be able to resist. 

Be sure to ask them about their catch of the day!

Stop 2 - Jamal’s Chicken

This part is key in your tour de force around the Campus Center by giving you a chance at that movie theater date – a little taste of everything that makes the CC oh so special. What better place to get that experience than at Damien’s? Not only do you have one TV, but you have… well… more than one. Surely there will be something for everyone!

Of course, a trip to the movies would not be complete without some movie snacks! Grab yourself a good old Icee (blue raspberry is my favorite) and some fried pickles that’ll add a little sweet and salty to your fish and soy. And honestly, what’s more attractive than fish breath and a blue mouth < 3.

Stop 3 - Al Dente

Now, I don’t know about you, but I think that a nice Italian place can really set the mood for that perfect date. If this article were written a few years ago, this highway of dreams may have ended here. Luckily for you, the Campus Center’s newest pasta pavilion is here to help. With such charming options like “Plant Shreds” and “Pasta,” Al Dente can help with that candlelight dining vibe you may be missing. 

As you may be able to tell, Al Dente’s specialty is al dente pasta – so al dente, it’s like it’s undercooked!

Stop 4 - Tres Habaneros

Perfectly sliding into stop number four, impress your date with your knowledge of numbers in Spanish. Much like running a marathon, Tres Habaneros is the place to show your date some feats of strength. My opinion? Show off with the Beans and Greens Burrito, a famous dish at Tres Habaneros. Simply load up a burrito with as many beans and greens as possible, including as much jalapeño as they’ll let you. 

Stop 5 - Starbucks

Round out your night with an evening cup of coffee, something to help settle your stomach after the Beans and Greens Burrito. One final show of character would be to get something with lots of milk – show them that you care about your dairy intake! Plus, milk is known for its healing qualities, sure to mix well with the sushi, pickles, “pasta,” beans, and coffee!

Stop 6 - The CC Bathrooms

Trust me.

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